Agreed. I believe the two became conflated in my conversation with the young gentleman.

He said (among other things), "It makes sense that, based on the life you've chosen, gender differences aren't all that much to you. You value independence over being traditionally feminine."

The full conversation can be found here: https://longafterthethrill.medium.com/honest-question-is-this-true-for-men-or-just-women-5fa5c204a097

I have been accused of being on the feminine side of the spectrum a time or two, so I am not sure where he's gotten the idea that you cannot be independent as well as feminine, but based on context, I believe he sees an able working woman as less than feminine - and not what he desires in a spouse. To each his own. I'm simply trying to open his eyes to the fact that it is in every individual person's best interest to be fully self-sufficient, even if you don't need to be at the moment.

I also believe that men feel financially stressed and/or drained by being the sole provider, especially if he knows his wife cannot provide for the whole family should the situation call for it.

And yes, SAHDs are of course in the same boat, but many of them (in my experience) have a career they can return to if need be - or are busy building side hustles while home with the kids.