I love hearing about real time experiences. I wish you and your new partner all the best.

I have had therapists tell me that the wounds are not hard wired as well, but in my experience, as someone who has worked very very hard at overcoming my attachment issues, in the end, when something triggers that response, there is very little I can do and most securely attached partners aren't going to stick around for the roller coaster that is a relationship with me.

My last relationship was extremely helpful for my growth. I spoke to him openly and honestly as I never had anyone else. We talked at length about these issues I face and put plans into place for when the situations would inevitably arise. But in the end, I still ended the relationship. My children hated him, which was unlivable for me as they were putting distance between themselves and me because of it. So maybe it had more to do with that than my attachment style, but even still, in our day to day interactions, I felt smothered.

Maybe it would just take the right person, but at this point I'm unwilling to even date. I think I included it in this article, but if not - an Avoidantly attached person will always feel dysregulated inside of a relationship - especially a serious one in which you live together. It doesn't allow us the space we need to feel regulated. It wasn't an option for my last partner NOT to live together. He felt like that was unreasonable especially once we'd been together 3+ years, but I would highly recommend not moving in with your current partner (if you haven't already) if you'd like it to last. I thought I'd be okay, but ultimately I just couldn't do it.

This is another article I wrote in response to a comment I received on this one, if you're interested.

https://medium.com/long-after-the-thrill/do-avoidants-really-just-crave-commitment-14c664414bdc