I truly appreciate those of us who are wandering the planet trying to become better people. I see you as one of those people. I, too, am one of those people. My early childhood was unstable and left me with many emotional scars that I am trying to heal from, so I understand (at least somewhat) what you are talking about - though my family was really quite loving even in spite of other faults.

All this is to say that I think what unites is far greater than what divides us - whether that be between races or genders - and I'm always happy to have enlightening conversations. Medium has been an amazing place to learn about other people's lived experiences - and yours is no different! It's crazy to me that your dad was born in 1919! Mine was born in 1954! I imagine our upbringings were MUCH different.

With your last paragraph, I am thinking back to my last relationship, which I very much did not want to end, but felt I needed to because of his controlling nature. He was someone who was open to examining his behavior, but despite many discussions about it, it still felt unlivable to me. I am sure he was struggling with the same boundaries you describe here which makes me feel sad. But in the end, I believe that men and women alike can only be as happy as they feel autonomous. And when someone makes you feel like you do not have the freedom to fully be and do what you want to do with your life, it is no longer livable.

I hope he and I both find the growth we need from having that relationship.

I'm not sure if you're at all familiar with Guy Finley, but I have found his teachings to be helpful. He speaks three times per week for free and then there are two student study sessions every week as well. All free if you're interested.

www.guyfinley.org is his website.

www.guyfinley.org/channel is where you'll find access to the live sessions and archived talks.