I'm definitely the avoidantly attached partner - or at least I was - and he's securely attached. I have been working on healing that part of me for as long as I've known it was a problem - which likely puts me in the minority of avoidants. I think most avoidants are simply just content to be avoidant. And being securely attached, my partner didn't chase me in the standard sense. He simply left the door open for me and made clear that once I was healthy and ready to love and be loved, I would be welcome back in his life.

I do hesitate to write about my experience because I'm afraid those in toxic relationships will latch onto my experience as proof that it can work out - when in actuality I am a person (as is my partner) who is not content to be stagnant. So instead of binge watching Netflix or indulging a video game or shopping habit, we spend our down time learning how to heal, reading relationship books, and working on spiritual growth. The fact is most people SAY they want it. But we were actually taking the ACTION to get it. Being with a partner who is not as committed to becoming as healthy as you are is a recipe for imbalance and toxic/unrealistic positivity.

The fact is that my partner is a fully formed human man who takes care of household chores, yard work, budgeting, etc. He's also on top of his game for gift giving and treating me like his queen - and I am the same with him. We enjoy talking and connecting for hours every day, and especially when there is a disagreement and we can reach new levels of connection through solving them together. That's been in place since we met 10 years ago. So the only thing toxic about our relationship was my inability to be completely in (I always had one foot out the door), so being able to heal that part of me enabled us to try again. In most cases, once you've broken up, it's best to leave that door closed. Again, probably too nuanced for this forum, and I'm not planning to write a whole lot about it for that reason.