My ex is doing fine on the dating apps. He's always got some new relationship. I'm guessing he'd have already given up if not. And I can assure you, he's nothing special to look at.

I can tell you, as a woman, that I will not consider dating someone who is above average looking. Especially at my age, if he's more attractive than the average 40 year old, he likely has a bad attitude to go with it. Same with guys who look like they go to the gym for 3 hours a day. Hard pass.

I'm sorry for the abuse you were raised in (because living in constant yelling is 100% abuse even if there weren't other issues). I would highly recommend therapy to unpack what you saw and experienced as a child. The truth is, if you don't, you are doomed to repeat the patterns you were raised with.