My ex said I looked like an ostrich when I first grew a perimenopausal body - because my legs were still skinny, but my belly looked pregnant - so I 100% feel these thoughts you've expressed.

However, I gave birth to a child with Cystic Fibrosis. She was sickly skinny and it was very difficult for her to maintain a healthy weight. She had a feeding tube to help, felt no pleasure from eating orally, and gagged at the thought of food.

As I watched her struggles, I realized a few important things - 1) I'm glad I have the overweight issues I have instead of the underweight issues she had, and 2) I am so grateful for the way my body shows up for me every day. I have been mostly healthy my whole life - even if overweight (especially after giving birth to 4 babies).

I was able to reframe my inner (and outer) critiques simply by being grateful to be in a mostly well-functioning body. When that critic starts in, I literally list all the ways I'm grateful for my body, even if it includes some extra chunk. And when I feel my worst I buy a new outfit that is flattering for my shape. I recently put on 20 pounds (thank you progestin supplements) and was able to weather it without all the negative self talk.

In the end the idea that I don't owe anyone beauty has been a huge boost. I'm single. I'm 44. I'm happier than I've ever been - and I'm probably eating healthier and exercising more than I ever have. So my weight doesn't necessarily reflect my health at this moment. I believe in time it will, but for now - I'm choosing to appreciate the fact that my body is functioning more or less the way it's supposed to - and that is 100% worth celebrating!