This is very similar to my own mother and her mother's stories. I am the grateful recipient of the love and adoration that my mom poured on us after having raised her own sibling. Luckily my grandmother had the decency to stop at two children after having raised her six siblings.

I feel for the generations that didn't have access to birth control and abortion to help with family planning, but like you, I can't imagine ignoring my children's basic needs and simply requiring them to do my job as a parent.

I'm sorry you didn't have the love and affection every child deserves. I hope you have healed your inner child, somewhat, through the love you've given your own children.