Yes, I agree with you that there's a disconnect between partners. Often times we do not establish safety in a way that allows for the free expression of emotion. Many of our partners, when we meet them are not capable of providing that safety. In a good relationship, we grow into the role, even if it wasn't there from the beginning. In a bad relationship the lack of emotional safety drives us ever further apart, though I believe most people can course correct if they choose to and both are committed.

I also think there's a difference between those big emotions that happen after some big tragic event (I was also able to access those) and the day to day emotions that need to be expressed so they don't build up. It was the day to day emotions I struggled to access.